Whenever I sit down to write my take on the wedding I’ve just shot, I always re-write the thing about half a dozen times. It should be easy, but it’s not. Firstly, because it’s bloody easy to sound all gushy (which has about as much reading appeal as that in-flight magazine on SAA flights), and secondly, because distilling 8 or so hours of wedding drama into a paragraph is literally impossible. So for Herman and Marilet’s wedding, I’m going to give you a timeline breakdown for something different for a change.  Right, here goes…

12.30pm

I arrive at Mofam. Herman says: ‘howzit,’ sprints down to the jetty and launches into a backward somersault into the water. He’s more relaxed than I am which is puzzling.

1.00pm

Arrive down at the river lodge to shoot Marilet. She doesn’t exactly battle for looks. I remember thinking: ‘my oath, but every single shot of this girl is an absolute cracker.’

3.00pm

Marilet steps off the barge onto the jetty and ‘walks down the aisle’. I can’t quite get the shots I need as I’m wedged between the best men and a tree. I do the calculations. The tree lost and I get the shots.

4.30pm

We start the formals. Herman plays air guitar in a field, Marilet and her bridesmaids rock on in front of an old shack, the bestmen try to pick Marilet up (they do a shocker of a job) so they turn their attention to drinking beer instead. Marilet needs the loo. There isn’t one, but there is a field…

7.00pm

Herman fights back the tears in his speech. The tears win. Herman shows his big heart. Nice work my friend, nice work.

10.00pm

The funniest moment I’ve ever had at a wedding. The ‘dance off’ for the garter. Grown men throwing themselves with complete passion onto the dancefloor (when they clearly can’t dance after a dozen Jagermeister’s) defies logic. And no, I can’t put those photos onto the site, some are R rated!