Your wedding day should be the most amazingly awesome day of your life. Wonderful. Now let me tell you that things do go wrong at weddings. A few I’ve seen are the Best Man forgetting the rings, dad breaking his ankle the night before, a cake imploding on itself, a bride arriving an hour and a half late – the list goes on. Now, let’s examine ways to handle these little mishaps shall we.
1. The bride decides not to pitch. This can basically be described as a complete train smash. It doesn’t get worse than this. It’s also extremely embarrasing and you will never ever experience stress levels quite as high again. What to do? I have absolutely no idea – you’re on your own.
2. A guest gives birth during the service. Somewhat problematic, but if there’s a doctor in the house it’s job done. What to do? Ask the minister if you can slot in a Christening at the same time.
3. You accidentally, um, ‘pass wind’ as you walk down the aisle. Not quite as bad as you might think, but could pose an uncomfy moment or two. What to do? You have a dad next to you. Look at him with an astonished glance and just say: ‘Daaaad!’
4. Old Uncle Tony has a cardiac arrest at the reception. Too much Fox-trotting on the dance floor gets Uncle T’s ticker wobbling. This is indeed a bit of a party-wrecker. What to do? Get Uncle Tony another Tequila.
5. Nobody arrives at your wedding. This really is a bit impolite but what can you do, you’re clearly not as liked as you thought. What to do? Oh well, you may as well make the best of it – throw the garter & bouquet for the waiters to catch and have fun!
6. The Springboks are playing New Zealand as the ceremony starts. No real problem there. What to do? Duh! Stop the wedding, watch the game.
7. Mom wears a hat that looks like a schizophrenic peacock. This is also a bit of a train smash actually. I mean, what on earth was she thinking? What to do? Get a cocky guest to crow at her each time she passes. Hopefully the hat will eventually go.
8. You give birth at your own wedding. That really is a bit naughty of you. You should have told someone about your condition beforehand. Well, it’s too late now isn’t it? What to do? Cancel your honeymoon.