In theory, a Trash the Dress takes about 2 or hours so to complete. That’s in theory. In real, living life, that was not quite the case with Roxanne’s Trash the Dress. Allow me to explain…
Part 1. It’s 3.00am in the morning when Rox and Mark pull out of their driveway in Somerset West to drive the 200k’s to Preekstoel. They arrive at the gate to the West Coast National Park an hour before it opens so drive down the road (quite a long drive actually) to the Engen for a cup of coffee. Then they drive all the way back to the entrance and meet me a further 20ks into the park. It’s now 7.15am. Boy, how time flies when you’re having fun.
Part 2. It’s somewhat chilly as Rox climbs out of her many layers of clothes and into her wedding dress. By this time, I’m down on the beach talking to myself (and the sun) quite a lot about how nice the day looks, and how beautiful the beach is, and about how awesome it is that the tide is super low. I also recall having a quick chat to the clouds about staying just where they were.
Part 3. Rox and Mark come down the stairs to the beach and we shoot away. I give my video camera to Mark and ask him if he wants to shoot his gorgeous wife getting put through her paces. He obliges happily. Then he hands the video camera back to me, I put it into my pocket and carry on shooting. The next thing Mark comes running towards me with a look of sheer terror in his eyes. Oops, 1 x video camera has fallen out of my pocket and into the seawater. (It’s been a bit of a week – Robbie gashed his leg open at Cubs and had to have stitches, Helen had the flu, Annie had the flu, Gilli had a tummy bug, my iPad got stolen and then my GPS, office keys and Langebaan house keys got stolen when our car got broken into). And now this! We picked the video camera up out of the water, dried it and I stuck it back in my pocket.
Part 3. We were going merrily along and I had a really good feeling that things were going well. The shoot was panning out just the way I like – nice and relaxed, no preconceived ideas, no planned shots, just off-the-cuff and as it happens sort of stuff. We chitchatted away and really enjoyed what was a lovely morning.
Part 4. Time for Rox to get into the water. Now let me tell you, Rox was screaming quite a lot and shivering even more. Quite honestly I don’t know what all the fuss was about, the water must have been at least about 8 or 9 degrees. Really Roxanne, you need to grow up a bit you know.
Part 5. Rox stumbles back to the car, dazed, confused, delirious and very blue. She dries off and changes. My phone rings and I’m told that someone wants to rent our place in Langebaan for 2 weeks. Oh, and they’re coming tomorrow. Hmmmm, small technical snag – all the linen is in Cape Town. So I drive back to Cape Town, to pick up Helen and the linen. In the meantime, Rox and Mark offer to give the house a quick spring-clean (it’s a large house, there’s nothing quick about cleaning it – but they don’t know that so I just smile and thank them!)
Part 6. Three hours later, Hel, myself and Budweiser (the dog) arrive in Langebaan. Rox and Mark have cleaned the house and Mark is busy fixing a few things. I quite like the idea that Mark could become my new best friend because I cannot for the life of me even knock a nail into a wall without the entire wall collapsing. So we do a bit of home maintenance with Mr & Mrs Dentry and then light a fire. The Stormers are playing the Bulls. The Stormers beat the Springboks (err, the Bulls.) We chat, eat marshmallows and chocolate and finally hit the sack.
Part 7. The next day we wake up, clean some more and Mark continues measuring here, banging a nail in there, and so on and so forth. Then we wave a fond goodbye to them, I take Budweisier for a walk on the beach while Helen makes all the beds and our tenants arrive – with 3 Alsatians, a poodle and a parrot. We head home with a takeaway pizza from Pearly’s (the best pizza in the world), collect the kids and finally flop in front of the TV to watch Tintin. I think I made it about halfway through the movie.
Part 8. As I said, in theory, a Trash the Dress takes about 2 hours; and if you’ve read this far you deserve to see some photos, so here they are…