‘I’m so excited for this shoot that I’m shaking.’ Those were Lauren’s opening words to me as she climbed out of the car at Big Bay. It was 6.30am. I smiled wryly, wondering just how excited she’d be in about 45 minutes because I’d made up my mind that if Wayne was going into the water, it was going to be extremely selfish of Lauren not to join him. And as Lauren will now tell you, I feel rocks. You want nice photos, you enter into a partnership with Warren. I tell you what to do, and you do it. If you don’t, I’ll urge you on until you do. And if you still don’t, well, I turn to 1 x fiancĂ© and say: ‘feel nothing, throw her in. Do it. Do it now. No mercy.’ It’s led to some interesting moments over time with some of the girls hurling every bribe and threat possible at their good men. But eventually, they all go in. It’s just a part of life down on the beach. But first, I had to warm the guys up a bit so they ran along the waterline at Big Bay, charged over dunes and just flipping went for it. Nothing counts like enthusiasm and Lauren and Wayne had it in bucket loads. I was hitting the shutter button like a man possessed. Kiss, frolic, run, roll, jump, kiss, hug, frolic, laugh, run. Terrific stuff. Then came the time. ‘Okay Wayne, you lie down in the water and La can lie on top of you – we’ll let her in easy.’ But that no prescription cymbalta didn’t really work because in came the first wave of icy water. Lauren’s body went completely rigid, she arched her back. And then, well, then she sort of screamed. The first scream was more of a body in complete shock gurgle. ‘A bit disappointing,’ I thought to myself. But then came the second scream. It was far better. It had overtones of complete hysteria and panic. ‘Hmmmm, could there be excitement in there?’ I wondered. Another scream. This time it was proper. ‘Good girl’ I was shouting now. But I don’t think she heard me as she went through what was now clearly a Near Death Experience. Wayne was wetting himself as I told him to roll Lauren over and kiss her. But her lips weren’t working and she was making a sort of laugh-cry sound. In came the next wave and then the next. Then Lauren went silent. ‘Aaaah, hypothermia has set in I see! Jolly good. Okay guys, out you come then – if you can still move, let alone walk.’ So out they came with Lauren saying her body was tingling and burning and, and, and. ‘ Ja, whatever. Next it was into wet suits and a spot of surfing. Dudes. And that was that. All over. Job done. Shot guys, that took guts but you did it brilliantly!

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