Josh and Mandy, Kronenburg Estate. The risk when penning these write-ups on the weddings and the couples I photograph is that it can, at times, all sound a bit sugary-sweet. I mean, I have to kind of be complimentary don’t I? I can’t exactly say so-and-so were a real pain in the bum. Or so-and-so were really hard work. Well I could I suppose, but I wouldn’t be overly popular. But then (sugary or not), I’ve never actually found the need to do so. I’ve been exceptionally lucky in that regard because my girls and boys are fine, solid people. So the task in writing (like the task in photographing), is to be objective and honest from beginning to end. I need to shoot it, then write it as I see it, no more, no less. It needs to be true and faithful to the day. So straight up, groomsmen, here’s some advice. When you try on the pants you will be wearing come wedding day, please, please, please – make sure you have enough room in the crotch area for some um, movement. A little leeway if you know what I mean. Because yes, I am going to ask you to sit down, climb onto fences etc. etc. And when I’m met with the words: ‘broer, I think my pants might split if I sit down,’ it is a bit disconcerting, and it does raise the odd eyebrow from other groomsmen. The point is not to wear pants that make your butt cheeks look all firm and cute. The point is being able to move comfortably, fluently and stealthily without your voice going up a few octaves. Just thought we’d get that out of the way. Not pointing fingers at er, anyone, just saying. Honesty you know! Aaaaanyway, moving forward…
Whenever I’m chosen to take someone’s wedding photos, I’m always very thankful, grateful and privileged to do so. There are now many, many weddings under the belt for me and my stance on that will never change. Now when it comes to Josh and Mandy’s wedding, our Joshua was tasked with finding the photographer. Being a numbers man, a rational thinker and analytical kinda guy, this must have been a big task for Josh. He’s the kind of chap who does his homework, I can tell you that much. So Mand’s, here are a few figures to help Josh understand the enormity of his decision when it came to him finally settling upon me as your photographer.
- 94% of first contact with me is made by the bride-to-be.
- When meeting my couples for the first time 76% of grooms look like deer caught in the headlights, the balance look somewhat disinterested, but perk up when I tell them they have good bone structure (or some other lie).
- At the end of the meeting, 100% of grooms think they’re my best mate and that we should perhaps go camping together next weekend.
- 99.8% of couples don’t listen to a word I say when it comes to the post-ceremony bridal & family pics.
- 97.3% of boys want a beer when we meet, 99.9% of girls want a glass of white wine. The other 0.1% of girls go for a Savanha.
- 85% of couples I meet are at least 20 minutes late for our meeting. 100% of couples use the same excuse: ‘sorry, we were caught in the traffic.’
Okay, so those are actually all facts and figures that I’ve just used to beef up my copy (but the percentages are indeed correct). There are some relevent stats though, which are these…
- Josh was 100% certain he wanted to use me.
- I’m 100% privileged to have shot your wedding.
- I’m 100% certain that you guys have a very fine future ahead of you.
- I’m 100% certain that in the years ahead, there will be more shoots with a growing, fantastic Gloak family.
- I’m 100% certain that in the future, I will still have to deal with that wayward groomsman who will be a touch fearful of his pants tearing.
Love you guys, thanks for a terrific wedding and Mand’s, I’m 100% certain that somewhere, somehow, you’ll teach our Josh how to dance! Go live life dudes.