Tanya and Robin, Private Residence, Constantia. How many wedding photographers can claim to having being spanked by their bride? Yup, you read correctly. Probably about zero. But this one has! I kid you not. Or having the brides mom, um, wipe their bum? This is not a joke. This is for real. 100%. Rightey-oh then, skeletons out of the cupboard – here we go then! So I’ve known Tanya since birth. I’ve known her sister Michelle since birth. We spent our formative days together. Our mom’s are besties and all. Tanya’s mom used to change my nappies back in the day – bit of a challenge by all accounts. And Tanya used to make me clean my room as a teenager. If the room wasn’t cleaned to her satisfaction, well, out would come the clothes hanger and ‘whooopah’ I’d get it on the backside. Scarred me for life. So when she asked me to shoot her and Robin’s wedding, I had these flashbacks and accepted through flat-out fear. But this time, there was one small difference – I had a camera in my hand and she had a bouquet in hers. I was the boss baby.

And what a wedding it was! Her vision of the day was superb. Simple, chilled, relaxed. Good mates, a finely stocked bar, and food to absolutely die for. Her caterers were a company called Table Seven, and I can safely say, that they are without a doubt the most exceptional caterers I have yet come across. The food was just sublime. As were Robin and Tanya’s rapidly growing family (which now extends to a somewhat eye-watering 7 kids) – good luck Rob’s and Tan’s, stay calm, there’s never going to be a dull moment. Anyway, the day went off really well with plenty of chit-chat and humour and as always, I was having the time of my life with Frans and Henroux from FJS Productions who were doing the video. The ‘formal’ photos were an absolute hoot. Tanya actually tried to tell me how to take a photo at one stage (I mean huh, no man, seeeeriously now), so I had to tell her to er, back off, to the immense amusement of Robin. Bless her cotton socks. Up to the reception we went, and then, right on time, as the speeches started, BOOM, loadshedding. Darkness. Cheers in the darkness. Much jovial laughter in the darkness. Cellphone lights in the darkness. Camera flash battling to focus in the darkness. Fun and games. But it didn’t dampen the spirits and everyone got on with the knitting superbly. BOOM, on came the power again (eventually) and the DJ wasted no time in smashing out those tunes. This mob quite enjoys a bit of a party and the dance floor was flooded with old and young alike giving it their very best shots. This was feel-good stuff at it’s finest. Hellie and myself left to the strains of Queen belting out ‘ biiiicycle, biiiiicycle, I want to ride my biiiiicycle…’ What a day. What a family. Love you guys now and forever – and please, no more children dudes – enough is enough. Or I take out the clothes hanger…